Best Friends Forever

It is my personal belief that a real lasting friendship doesn't exist until you've fantasized about brutally murdering that person. Not necessarily hacking your beloved to bits with a butcher knife. But surely noone would question your motives, had the dearly departed slipped on the railing only to fall down a couple flights of stairs. With a couple knives lodge in their back and no clothes on. I think I've already said too much.Anyway. I've been suffering with a recent realization that having friends is detrimental to my health. Rather than helping me cope with my miserable existence, they just seem to stress me out more than anything. I can't stand dealing with people anymore. No one has anything enlightening to say. All I hear is blah blah blah. When I become a rich, successful author like Ernest Hemingway; I'll just become a recluse and move to my secluded log cabin in the mountains. And, like Hemingway, I'll become schizophrenic and shoot myself. The End.